How to Manage Your “Not Invited” List
When you’re planning a wedding, there’s a good chance that you can’t or won’t invite every single person who feels as though they deserve an invitation. This can lead to some hurt feelings, which you should be prepared for. However, with that said, don’t compromise your wishes or your budget just to make someone else happy. Instead, simply be prepared for those hurt feelings and do your best to anticipate them and to handle them appropriately.
Make it Clear Your List is Intimate
Whether it’s true or not and providing you won’t be easily “caught out,” let it be known, from the start, that your wedding is a small and intimate affair. You especially want to make this known to people who inquire about the wedding whom you weren’t intending to ask or to anyone who you think might be hurt by their lack of an invitation. You can always make another excuse if you need to, such as a too-small venue or a too-tight budget. But, if you make these reasons for your small wedding clear upfront and to the right people, you stand a good chance of lessening hurt feelings.
Use The Travel Excuse
If you’re having your wedding in Maui or some other exotic locale, you have an easy excuse for not inviting certain people built right in: the travel and its strain.
For anyone you’re not planning to invite and whom you think might be hurt, think of a reason why it would be difficult for them to travel. Whether it’s the cost of a plane ticket, family responsibilities, or even a little “confusion” on your part, you can almost always come up with a good and feelings-saving reason why you didn’t think the person in question could travel to your wedding.
Host an Alternate Get-Together
Finally, if you’re feeling really worried about offending people, know that you can always host an alternate get-together, either before or after the wedding. Throw a small party or reception and explain that, while you couldn't invite everyone you wanted to your wedding due to expense or any other reason, you’re hosting a gathering for everyone you wished could be there. This is a surefire way to remedy any hurt hearts.
Ultimately, choosing your wedding guest list can be harrowing and stressful. But, if you have a strategy for how you will handle those on the “not-invited” list, you can alleviate hurt feelings and reduce the potential for permanent or seriously strained relationships.
